I'm not on drugs, I swear.

The other night Mike asked me if I was on drugs. He was dead serious about it. His basis for the question was that I was acting weird. I still haven't figured out how I was acting but surely it wasn't like someone who was on drugs. My guess was that I was acting like someone who was tired and was hunkering down for a long stretch at work because the stupid kids at work keep quitting without giving notice. What, no. It must be drugs.

I discussed this with a friend. I was and am still puzzled by it. The advice I was given was to "just be yourself". And then it hit me, I don't know how because I'm not sure who that is. I've had more than one person say that they see several different sides to me. I'm not sure when that happened or how.

I would never say I'm trying to please anyone with these character changes. I think it happens because I just want to get by as easy as possible. If it makes it easier for me to deal with other people by adapting myself a little then that's what I do. Mike included.

But the more I think about it the more phony it sounds; the more unfair to myself it sounds. Is it possible to just be me with everyone? Truthfully that would probably piss some people off. I think I'm ready to start though. This whole gig of figuring out what the people in my life want and need where my personality is concerned and then trying to give it to them...it's done. I'm a bit to tired. I don't think it would be lying to say that the whole act has created some drama along the way.

I'm not sure how or when but I'll figure out who I am soon enough.