It’s only the middle of the week and already it feels like it’s dragged on. It has been a most unusual week. It has been a very hard week. Mike and I have decided to separate. We have decided that we are no longer good together, that we no longer exist. It was a very mutual decision. One that has taken years to recognize and months to decide. It is what is best.
I’m okay with all this but I’m also very on edge. I have had no time to myself since the decision. I’m either at work or taking care of Abi or at the beck and call of my family. I feel like I’m going insane. A separation under normal circumstances would be hard but one where you aren’t given any alone time to deal with everything and cry is far worse. I took the day off of work to try and deal with everything and have been up and have been busier than if I were actually at work. My family really sucks right now.
I gave them notice that I would need to go into town to run errands and hoped against all hope that it would provide me some alone time. Then my mom informs me that I need to pick up my crack head brother and run him around. I have to think that if I can survive this without any time to deal than surely I am a lot stronger than I thought.
It makes it harder that Mike is still here. I don’t want to tell my family until he moves out. So I stay out of my usual hiding places to give him some space and have been forced to interact full time with my family. I do love them…I think. Someone is always yelling here. Even when they are talking they are yelling. I fell down the god damned stairs yet again this morning. Maybe I have already hit the point of crazy and just haven’t recognized it.
Fuck it…I’m going to Canada :)
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2 comments:
Rebecca,
I want you to know how much I love you! You are such an amazing person and yes, you are much stronger than you thought you were. I wish I could be like "I know what it's like to seperate" but I don't. It would be false words and a bunch of bull. But I do know what it's like to help a friend out through a hard time. We are all here for you. If you need to cry, we can listen. If you need to yell, we will take it. If you need some closure, I have a shovel, a shotgun and 8 acres! :) Yes, your family is crazy. Yes, they need to give you a break and realize everything you do for them, Abi, Mike... everyone but yourself. You need some ME time. Take it. Leave. Tell someone NO. You can do it. I have faith in you through all of this.
LOVE YOU CRAZY REEBCCA!
-Johnathon
Don't act like you're not welcome at my house anytime you want missy. Even if i'm not here. We need to have some quality time soon...quality female time.
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